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~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
Sunnydale cemetery at night. The camera is high above and angled down
sharply on Buffy sitting on a blanket with her legs covered by another
one, and Giles behind a nearby gravestone. He has a book open and reads
from it as the camera pans down and pulls in until it is level with him.
Giles: 'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.'
That's all there is. Are you ready?
Buffy: Hit me.
Giles: Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage?
A) Violence breeds violence, B) All things must end, C)...
Buffy looks down at her answer sheet and fills in a bubble with her No.
Buffy: 'B'. I'm going with 'B'. We haven't had 'B' in forever.
Giles: (exasperated) This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots.
Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of
getting into college.
Buffy: Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off.
Giles: This isn't meant to be easy, you know. It's a rite of passage.
Buffy: Well, is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce
something or cut something off?
Giles: Buffy, please concentrate. (looks back at his book)
She sees a vampire approach behind him.
She tosses her notebook and answer sheet off of her lap and scrambles
out from under her blanket and to her feet.
Giles: (looks up) What?
He sees her rushing toward him, instantly realizes that he needs to get
out of the way and shoulder rolls onto the ground out of danger. Buffy
vaults herself over the gravestone, finishing in a roundoff to the
ground, and without a moment's hesitation side kicks the advancing
vampire in the stomach. He goes flying backward, landing hard on his
back. Buffy rushes him, grabs his legs and pushes them up, forcing him
into a back roll away from her. The vampire ends up in a standing
position and tries to punch her, but misses her entirely. She tries a
punch, but he middle blocks her and takes a swing with his free hand at
her face. She ducks both it and the next punch he throws. She
straightens back up and roundhouse kicks him in the side, but he keeps
his balance and tries to roundhouse kick her in turn. She ducks it, and
his momentum carries him around in a spin. He comes to a stop facing her
and tries to punch her in the face, but she grabs onto his arm and
blocks his next punch. He brings his free hand up again, but she smashes
her forearm down to block it. Seeing an opening, Buffy takes her pencil
and stabs him cleanly in the chest. She pulls it back out, and the
vampire bursts into ashes. Buffy starts back to her blanket. She looks
at the tip of her pencil and sees that it's broken.
Buffy: Hmm. I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again
Giles extends his hand to her holding a sharpened No. 2 pencil.
Giles: C) All systems tend towards chaos.
She flips her broken pencil at him and snatches the new one from his
hand. Giles watches her old pencil fly by him and hit the ground next to
him. Buffy sits back down cross-legged on her blanket and picks up her
notebook and answer sheet.
Buffy: I just know that us and the undead are the only people in
Sunnydale working this late.
She pouts up at Giles and waits for him to start reading again.
Cut to Sunnydale City Hall.
Mayor Wilkins: I appreciate you coming.
Cut inside to the Mayor's office. He's leaning on the backrest of his
chair, smiling. He starts to walk out from behind his desk.
Mayor Wilkins: I realize it is early... for you... but I think you'll
agree that this matter is urgent, (stops next to Trick) also...
Trick: I'm a very delicate person.
Mayor Wilkins: So you feel you can handle this?
Trick: (inhales) It's a little out of my element, but I can get you
what you need. I know a beast who knows a guy.
Mayor Wilkins: (heads over to a wall cabinet) Are you sure that
subcontracting is the way to go here?
Trick: Well, this guy's worked your town before, and if he lives up to
his rep, (smiles) this place'll be in flames.
Mayor Wilkins: I've made certain deals to get where I am today. This
demon requires his tribute. (unlocks the cabinet) You see, that's what
separates me from other politicians, Mr. Trick.
He opens the cabinet. The shelves are full of occult paraphernalia:
skulls, a fetus preserved in a bottle, various urns and chests, a
shrunken head, the bones of a forearm and hand, and various tools of the
trade. Trick looks uneasily at all of it from his vantage point by the
Mayor Wilkins: I *keep* my campaign promises.
He reaches in and takes out the shrunken head. He pulls on the tuft of
hair at the top, and a small section of the head pulls open and folds
back on the leathery skin. The Mayor takes a quick sniff from the hole
and closes the flap of skull and skin again.
Mayor Wilkins: Where'd I put that Scotch? (looks around)
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
The quad at Sunnydale High. Buffy, Willow and Oz appear at the top of
the outside stairs and start down.
Buffy: And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in answer
bubble screaming, 'none of the above!'
Willow: Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams. (gets a
look from Buffy) Probably not.
Oz: Hey, you know, I took it last year. I could help you get ready.
There's this whole trick to antonyms, but... this isn't the place.
Willow: Oz is the highest-scoring person ever to fail to graduate.
They reach the bottom of the stairs and continue to walk along the
Buffy: Isn't she cute when she's proud?
Oz: She's always cute.
Cordelia and Xander come out through the breezeway and walk behind them.
Willow: We could work on it tonight.
Xander: Work on what tonight?
Cordelia: Oh, God. Are we killing something again?
Buffy: Only my carefree spirit.
Oz: Buffy SAT prep.
Willow: Oz is helping. (smiling proudly) He's the highest-scoring...
Cordelia: (interrupts) We know. We did the impressed thing already.
Xander: I hate they make us take that thing. It's totally fascist, and
personally, I think it, uh, discriminates against the uninformed.
Cordelia: Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on
She gets looks from everyone.
Cordelia: What? I can't have layers?
Cut to the hall doors near the cafeteria. The group enters.
Willow: So, Buff, study tonight?
Buffy: Uh, yes on the studying, no on tonight. I'm putting in Mom time.
She's been drastic ever since I got back. And Giles is even worse. I'm
They turn into the cafeteria.
Buffy: It's like being in the Real World house, only real.
They see a table piled up with boxes of Milkbar fund-raiser chocolate
bars. Other students are each taking a box as Snyder checks their names
off on his clipboard.
Willow: Ooh, candy bars! Lots of 'em!
Snyder holds out a box.
Xander: Principal Snyder, thank you! (takes the box) You weren't
visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, by any chance?
Snyder: It's band candy.
Buffy: Let's hear it for the band, huh? Very generous.
Snyder: You will sell it to raise money for the marching band. They
need new uniforms.
Xander: Yeah. Those tall, fuzzy hats ain't cheap, huh?
Oz: But they go with everything.
Willow smiles at that.
Buffy: I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're
not in the band.
Snyder: And if I'd handed you a trombone, that would've been a problem,
Summers. (holds out a box) It's candy. (she takes it) Sell it.
He walks off leaving them all staring at their boxes.
Cut to the kitchen at Buffy's house. She and her mother are eating
Chinese food for dinner at the island.
Joyce: But you're not in the band.
Buffy: And yet.
Joyce: Buffy, what would I do with forty chocolate bars?
Buffy: You could hand them out at the Gallery. 'Buy something Pre-
Columbian, get a free cavity.'
Her mother considers, and decides it can't hurt to at least help.
She hands her daughter back the box.
Buffy: You're a good mom. (sets down the box)
Joyce: I'm the best.
Buffy: (picks up her glass) No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their
She takes a sip of her water, eyeing her mother hopefully.
Joyce: And yet.
Buffy: (sets down her glass) Oh, come on!
Joyce: (gets up) Look, let's not have this conversation. (goes to the
Buffy: But I took the class. I watched the filmstrips with the blood
and the death and the corpses. I'm prepped.
Joyce: (opens the fridge) Honey, (grabs the water jug) you failed the
written test. (pours herself more) They wouldn't even let you *take* the
road test. (puts the water back)
Buffy: That was a year ago. And I don't test well... she said, two days
before the SATs.
Joyce: (comes back to her seat) I spend enough time not knowing where
you are. (sits) I don't wanna add to that the possibility that you're on
the highway to Chicago. (takes a drink)
Buffy: (dumbfounded) I can't believe you. I'm *not* taking off again.
(shrugs) Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus.
Joyce: Stop. (inhales) Don't. (exhales and looks at Buffy intensely) I
just don't want you driving, okay? I want you here.
Buffy: (widens her eyes) I'm here. Hmm? (picks up her egg roll) See me
here. (takes a bite) Mm-hm?
Joyce nods and turns back to her plate.
Buffy: (with her mouth full) Mm... I gotta go. (gets up and grabs her
box of candy bars)
Joyce: What, you're going out?
Buffy: (turns back at the door) Giles. Slay-study double feature. Could
Joyce: Again? Honey, don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful
lot of your time?
Buffy: And does he ever say he's sorry?
Cut to the library. Giles is tying a blindfold tightly around Buffy's
Buffy: Why do I put up with this?
Giles: Because it is your destiny... (walks around her) and because I
just bought twenty 'cocorific' candy bars. (hands her a large rubber
Buffy: Okay, you're just doing this to take funny pictures of me.
Giles: (walks around her) I'm doing it to test your awareness of an
opponent's location during a fight in total darkness. Now, wait five
seconds and then throw the ball at me.
He silently backtracks and takes several steps away from her toward the
Buffy: You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh? Okay.
Five, four, three, two, one.
She turns around and faces the door to Giles' office. He smiles,
thinking she's completely clueless as to where he is. Buffy throws the
ball. It hits the wall high above the checkout counter and bounces off.
Giles: It's not that simple, is it...
The ball bumps him in the side of the head.
Giles: Ow. Ahem. Yes, well, very good.
Buffy: (takes off the blindfold) Thanks! (heads out of the library)
Giles: W-w-w-where are you going? We have to patrol!
Buffy: (stops and faces him) I can't. Mom's in hyperdrive. She wants me
home tonight. I told you. (starts out again)
Giles: But, I...
Buffy: (stops by the door) I know, I know. She's out of control. Enjoy
the candy! (leaves)
Giles looks at the swinging library door for a moment, considering her
Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut inside. The door to the atrium is open. The
camera slowly tracks toward it. Soon a shirtless Angel is in view,
practicing the slow, elegant forms of T'ai Chi. He brings his arms down
together in front of him and then over to his right. As he brings his
left arm up across his abdomen, he crosses his right arm over his left.
His motions remains fluid as he slowly moves his left arm out in front
of him, palm up, and extends his right arm out to his side. He draws his
arms together again, this time crossing his left arm over his right and
repeats a mirror image of his last move. Never stopping his motion, he
brings both hands to his waist, palms facing forward, and slowly raises
his right arm and sweeps it across in front of himself, palm down, while
he sweeps his left arm across below his right, palm up. Buffy walks into
the doorway and stops just to watch him, amazed at the fluidity and
smoothness of his motions. Angel doesn't notice her, and continues the
exercises. He has his arms extended, his left hand angled up sharply
from his forearm, and his right hand clasping the heel of his left. He
brings them around in a broad sweeping motion toward Buffy and then
raises them, separates them and spreads them apart with his palms facing
away from him. He raises his head as he does so and sees Buffy standing
there watching him.
She looks down briefly, slightly embarrassed to be caught watching him
like that, and then looks up at him again with a little smile on her
Buffy: I didn't know you could do that.
He gives her the briefest glimpse of a small smile as he tries to
straighten himself up from his slightly bent stance.
Angel: I-I'm feeling better.
He can't maintain his posture, and bends back over, supporting himself
with his right hand on his knee. Buffy rushes to his aid.
She gets under his left arm and helps him stand up straight.
Buffy: Let's... get you inside.
They slowly make their way back into the mansion. Cut inside. There is a
warm fire going in the fireplace. Buffy picks up a small paper bag as
they go past the coffee table in front of it.
Angel: It's late. How'd you get away?
Buffy: Aw, it was easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry room. Rode
out in the garbage truck.
They stop and let go. Angel faces Buffy, not sure what to make of that.
He sits on the edge of the couch.
Buffy: I'm joking. (raises her right hand and waves it) No garbage.
She steps closer to him, but stops. Angel just looks up at her. She
lowers her arm and sighs. She puts the bag down next to him and steps
over to an adjacent couch set at a right angle to his, and sits also,
but very stiffly. Angel leans back on his cushions.
Angel: How is, uh... Scott?
Buffy: Scott? (smiles weakly and looks down) Oh, um... boyfriend Scott.
Uh... (inhales deeply) A-actually, he's not... (looks up at him) He's
fine. (exhales and nods)
Angel gives her a little nod. Buffy indicates the bag she left next to
Buffy: Uh, that's for you.
Angel reaches for it.
Buffy: Uh... I-it's fresh from the butcher.
He reaches in and takes out a quart-sized plastic tub of blood. He gives
it a brief look, then slips it back into the bag and sets it aside.
Buffy looks away shyly, knowing he doesn't want to eat in front of her.
Angel: You're being careful, right?
Buffy: (looks up surprised) With Scott?
Angel: The slaying.
Buffy: Oh. (smiles and exhales) Uh... Yeah. Of course. (nodding a lot)
Full of carefulness.
Angel: (looks down) I worry about you. (looks at her)
Buffy: (pauses briefly) I worry about *you*.
He stares down again for a moment, stroking the cushions.
Angel: I'm getting stronger.
Buffy: (gives him a little smile) Yeah, pretty soon, you won't even
Angel: (nods a little) That'll be better.
Buffy: (unsure how to take that) Yeah.
They continue to sit in silence.
Cut to Buffy's house. She opens the front door and comes in. She swings
it closed behind her and sets her books down on the table by the coat
rack. She turns around and is startled by her mother standing by the
stairs and looking at her unusually calmly while rubbing her fingers
over a chocolate bar in her hands.
Buffy: Hey! (thinks fast) Uh, sorry I'm late. You know Giles. All slay,
all the time.
Giles steps into view from the dining room with his arms crossed and a
stern look on his face.
Giles: Hello, Buffy.
Buffy: (gestures into the living room) Do you guys wanna watch some
television? I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on.
Joyce: Buffy, you lied to us. And you made us into your alibis.
That's... playing us against each other, and that's not fair.
Giles: I called Willow. (Buffy is at a loss) You also lied to her about
your whereabouts. We were all concerned.
Joyce unwraps her chocolate bar and holds it out to Giles to take a
Giles: Oh, thank you. (breaks off a piece)
Buffy: Look, I'm sorry, but I had to...
She turns around and walks into the living room. Joyce follows her, and
Giles also a few paces behind.
Joyce: Were you at the Bronze? What was happening there that was so
Buffy stops, lets out an exasperated sigh and turns to face her mother.
Buffy: (gestures and shrugs) Bronze things. Things of Bronze.
Joyce chews on a piece of her chocolate bar.
Joyce: (condescendingly) You're acting really immature, Buffy.
Giles: (also chewing) I know I'm not your parent, but I am responsible
for you. I think your mum's right. (sits on a couch armrest)
Buffy: Okay, fine. I'm acting like a child. Maybe that's because you're
both treating me like a child.
Joyce: (sounding hurt) Buffy!
Buffy: You're both scheduling me twenty-four hours a day. Between the
two of you, that's forty-eight hours. (Giles takes off his glasses) I
just wanna be able to make a few decisions on my own.
Joyce: The last time you made a decision on your own, you split. (pops
another piece of candy)
Buffy: Yeah, and I took care of myself. I don't need this much active
Joyce: (incredulous) You can't really be trying to use this summer as a
reason you should be trusted. (eats another piece)
Buffy: You can't babysit me all the time. I need you to back off a
Giles: (holds up his hand) Uh, alright, come on. Let's, let's not, uh,
Buffy: (taken aback) 'Freak out'?
Giles: Mm-hm. (stands up) Uh, I think you should go to bed. (puts his
glasses back on) Um, we're all tired.
Buffy just looks at the two of them as though they're crazy. She faces
away for a moment and then walks off to her room. Her mother watches her
go, shaking her head.
Joyce: Oh, she just drives me crazy!
She sighs and crumbles up the end of the candy wrapper and drops it onto
the coffee table. Giles scratches his head and steps back over to the
couch to sit. Joyce goes to join him.
Joyce: I just want to protect her.
They both sit down. The camera lowers its angle.
Giles: Don't all parents want that?
He reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out a candy bar of his own.
There is an entire box of them on the coffee table next to various
picture books. He starts to unwrap his bar.
Joyce: Yeah, but at least most parents have some idea what to protect
their children from.
Giles: Yeah. And I think we should both be especially careful.
He breaks off a piece, sticks it into his mouth and hands the rest to
She takes a piece and munches on it. Giles reaches into the box on the
table for yet another bar.
Cut to the Milkbar factory, makers of "The Best Chocolate Bar",
according to the box. A worker opens the top box of an as yet unsealed
case and reaches in for a bar. He pulls back the outer wrapper, looks
around to see if anyone is watching, and starts to peel back the foil
when suddenly Ethan Rayne comes up behind him and puts his hand on his
Ethan: Trust me. (steps around the worker to face him) You don't want
to eat that.
Ethan walks off as the worker quickly puts the bar back into its box
before it gets sealed for shipping.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
Study hall in the science classroom. A boy throws a wad of paper at
Boy: Think fast.
The target boy almost manages to catch the paper, snags it as it's about
to roll from the table and sets it aside. A moment later he takes it
again and looks back at the boy who threw it, watching for an opening.
The camera closes in on Cordelia and Buffy sitting at the table behind
Cordelia: (sighs) I heard that there was a secret rule that if a
teacher's more than ten minutes late, we can all leave.
Buffy: (looks up from studying) It's Giles' turn to watch study hall.
He'll be here. (looks back at her book) He's allergic to late.
Cordelia: (sighs) He is wound a little tight. I had this philosophy
book checked out from the library for, like, a year, and he made me pay
the fine, even though it was huge. (Buffy gives her a look) I was sad to
return it. (smiles) It was perfect for starting conversations with
college boys. (lets out a little laugh) Of course, that was B.X.
Buffy: B.X.? (gets a nod from Cordelia) Before Xander. Clever.
They both go back to their studying. Willow and Xander are at the table
behind them. Xander is busy munching on a chocolate bar. The books in
front of him are closed.
Xander: I like chocolate. (Willow looks at him) There is no bad here.
Willow: You still have some left? (shrugs) I went to, like, four
houses, and they were gone. It's like Trick-or-Treating in reverse.
(smiles at him)
Xander: I know. These things are selling like hot cakes... (they look
at each other) which is ironic, 'cause the hot cakes really aren't
The camera descends below the lab table. Their knees are touching. They
each dangle a leg from their stools and brush them against each other.
Xander: And it's, uh, ahem, fun to sell chocolate. Ahem.
Willow rubs her calf along Xander's shin. Cut back above.
Willow: And we're raising a lot of money for the band.
Xander looks back and forth between Willow and his chocolate bar a few
times, then focuses on his candy. Willow plays with her pencil while
looking at her book.
Xander: The band. Yeah. They're great. They march.
Cut below the table. They continue to rub their legs together.
Willow: Like an army. (cut above) (very distracted) E-e-except with
music instead of bullets, and... usually no one dies.
Cut below. They rub their shoes against each other with their legs still
crossed. Cut above. Cordelia suddenly turns to face them.
Cordelia: I can't believe this.
Cut below. Willow and Xander immediately whip their legs apart. Cut
above. They both hit opposite legs of the table and make it lurch with a
loud thunk and pray that they haven't given themselves away.
Cordelia: Where is Giles already? I'm bored, and he's not here to give
me credit for it.
Buffy looks over at the classroom door, suddenly concerned.
Cut to the halls. Principal Snyder and Ms. Barton are walking toward the
classroom. Snyder has a chocolate bar in his hands.
Snyder: The big pinhead librarian didn't show up, and I don't wanna do
it. (points at her with his candy bar) You do it.
Ms. Barton: Alright, fine. I'll do it.
She turns to go into the room and rolls her eyes.
Snyder: (to himself) Everybody expects me to do everything around here
because I'm the principal. (starts to walk) It's not fair.
Cut into the science room. Ms. Barton comes in and claps her hands a few
times to get the students' attention.
Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit
quietly and, (indicates a book on the teacher's desk and smiles) and
pretend we're reading something (Buffy is confused) until we're really
sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!
Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?
Cordelia: Get in line.
Willow: I guess Giles isn't coming?
Buffy: (very concerned) I guess not.
Cut to outside Giles' apartment. Buffy walks up to the door and stops.
She peers in through the view port, sees Giles and goes in. Cut inside.
Giles is crouched by a cabinet where he keeps his vinyl record
collection, looking at an album. Buffy comes in and closes the door
behind her. The sound gets Giles' attention, and he looks up.
He slips the record into the cabinet. The camera cuts behind him and
slowly pans right past his couch where Joyce is sitting.
Buffy: (walks in) Uh... sorry. I... I was just worried. You were a big
not-there in study hall, and after your lecture to me on not ducking
out... (confused) and what is my mother doing here?
Giles steps over to Joyce.
Giles: (with a mouth full of chocolate) We had an opportunity for, um,
you might say, a summit meeting. It took priority over study hall. I
Buffy: (still confused) Oh.
Joyce: We decided that you made a good point earlier, honey.
She and Giles both nod.
Buffy: I did. Yeah. (very confused now) Which was...?
Joyce: A-about us overscheduling you. (looks to Giles for support)
Giles: Pulling you in two directions, (sits on the coffee table) uh,
your home life and your duties as a Slayer.
Buffy: Oh. That was a good point.
Joyce: We're working out a coordinated schedule for you.
Giles: It'll be tight, but, uh, I think we can fit in all your
Buffy: (gives them an uncertain smile) Sounds nice and structured.
Joyce: We've got more work to do here, honey. Why don't you give us a
little more time?
Giles gets up and walks over to the fireplace mantel to stare at a
picture. Joyce reaches into her purse, pulls out her car keys and stands
Joyce: Um... Take the car, and, um, Mr. Giles can drive me home. (holds
out the keys)
Buffy: (wide-eyed) What? (smiles and shakes her head) Excuse me, I
Joyce: Keys. Take them.
Buffy: You don't have to tell *me* twice. Well, actually, you did,
but... (snatches the keys) bye! (rushes out)
Joyce: Bye, honey. Drive careful.
Buffy: (opens the door) Uh-huh!
She runs out the door without looking back, pulling it closed behind
her. Joyce turns to face Giles.
Joyce: Do you think she noticed anything?
He turns to face her. A cigarette dangles from his lips. He lights his
Giles: No way!
He holds the flame to his cigarette. Joyce smiles and reaches down for a
bottle that she had squirreled away under the end table. She twists off
the cap. Giles closes his lighter and takes a drag. He takes the
cigarette out of his mouth and takes a deep breath.
Cut to a residential street later that night. Buffy and Willow are
driving along in Joyce's Jeep.
Willow: Tell me again how it happened.
Buffy: Told my mom I wanted to be treated more like a grownup, and
voila: (smiles) driviness.
She takes a corner without slowing down, and skids around it. That
shakes up Willow, and she begins to breathe nervously.
Buffy: Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere. Considering my mom and
Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my
life if I'm not actually there.
Willow: (notices the parking brake) Do you know that you have the
parking brake on?
She releases the parking brake. The engine suddenly begins to rev much
higher, and they accelerate.
Willow: (nervously) Are, are you sure about the Bronze? I mean, the
SATs are tomorrow.
Buffy: I can study at the Bronze. (smiles) A little dancing, a little
cross-multiplying. (smiles wickedly) You know what we need?
She reaches over, turns on the radio and begins to turn the station
dial. In the process she bends over too low to see over the dashboard.
Willow: Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!
While changing stations, Buffy doesn't realize that she is pulling on
the steering wheel, and the car makes a wide left turn, but fortunately
onto another road, and so doesn't hit anything.
Cut to Giles apartment. He's lying on his back on the floor, coat and
tie gone, shirt unbuttoned to reveal his undershirt, getting ready to
light a pair of cigarettes as he grooves to the sound of Cream singing
"Tales of Brave Ulysses" on vinyl playing on his record player. Joyce is
sitting cross-legged in front of his record cabinet looking through his
albums as she grooves also.
Joyce: You got good albums.
Giles: Yeah, they're okay. (lights the cigarettes)
Lyrics: And the colors of the sea bind your eyes with trembling
Joyce: Do you like Seals and Croft?
Giles turns his head to give her a look.
Lyrics: And you touch the distant beaches with tales of brave Ulysses
Joyce: Yeah, me neither.
Giles hands her one of the smokes.
Lyrics: How his naked ears were tortured by the sirens sweetly singing
Joyce: Thanks. (takes a drag)
Lyrics: For the sparkling waves are calling you
Joyce: So how come they, uh, call you Ripper?
Lyrics: To kiss their white-laced lips
Giles: (sits up) Wouldn't you like to know.
The song goes into a guitar riff between verses.
Giles: Hmm, wait a minute. Listen to this bit.
He gets into it, smiling, bobbing his head and waving his cigarette to
the beat. Behind him Joyce takes another drag.
Giles: It rocks!
Lyrics: And you see a girl's brown body
Joyce: It's good.
Giles gets up and goes to look into the mirror above the record cabinet.
Giles: Man, I gotta get a band together.
He starts running his fingers through his hair.
Lyrics: Dancing through the turquoise
Joyce: (stands up) Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV?
Lyrics: And her footprints make you follow where the sky loves the sea
Joyce: (leans against the cabinet) I know how to order pay-per-view.
Giles: (takes off his outer shirt) No, let's go out and have some fun.
Lyrics: And when your fingers find her, she drowns you in her body
Giles: Tear things up a bit.
Joyce: Okay. We could go to the Bronze.
Lyrics: Carving deep blue ripples in the tissues of your mind
Giles: Not bloody likely. That place is dead.
Cut to the Bronze. A guy has his head tilted back as the bartender pours
orange juice and vodka directly into his mouth. His friends surround him
and goad him on. There are unusual numbers of older people there.
Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) is on the stage performing
"Violent". The dance floor is very crowded with people of all ages. Even
the older couples are dancing to the beat of the band. On stage Devon
dances around to the lead-in. Just before the song begins he leans over
Devon: Hey, they're diggin' us, man!
Cut to Willow and Buffy coming into the Bronze. They look around at the
unusual mix of people in the crowd.
Lyrics: The strangest things / I've always known
Oz sees Willow and smiles.
Lyrics: It slays me every time
Willow and Buffy give each other very amazed and concerned looks.
Lyrics: Darkened fields / Have overgrown
Willow and Buffy continue through the crowd.
Buffy: Let's do the time warp again.
Lyrics: You want to lay me out?
Willow: Maybe there's a reunion in town or, or a Billy Joel tour or
Lyrics: Tie me down? / Tie me
Ms. Barton walks past the two girls.
Buffy: Ms. Barton?
Ms. Barton: (stops and faces her) Buffy? Whoa!
Lyrics: Our love
Willow: Are you okay, Ms. Barton?
Lyrics: Covered in my blood
Ms. Barton: (smiles widely) Oh, I'm cool, Willow. (realizes) Willow...
That's a tree. (giggles) You're a tree!
Willow and Buffy exchange a look.
Lyrics: Is so violent
Ms. Barton: (looks around) Yeah, uh, uh, are there any nachos in here,
Lyrics: Our love
Buffy: A-are you sure you don't need some fresh air, Ms. Barton?
Ms. Barton: (laughs hysterically) Okay... (goes into the crowd)
Lyrics: Covered in my blood
Willow: Hey, this is not normal.
Buffy gives her a look.
Lyrics: Is so violent
Willow: Uh, w-well, maybe that goes without saying.
Snyder spots them from behind and comes up between them.
Snyder: (smiling hugely) Hey, gang! (puts his arms around the girls'
shoulders) This place is Fun City, huh? (laughs)
Buffy: Principal Snyder?
Lyrics: Shake this scene / another one
Snyder: Call me Snyder. Just a last name, like... (trying to be cool)
He lets go of the girls and pumps his arms and fists around wildly.
Willow leans slightly away from him.
Snyder: Ooh! I'm so stoked!
Willow has no idea what to make of this. Snyder comes back down from his
outburst and lets out a breath.
Lyrics: It plays me every time
Snyder: Hey, did you see Ms. Barton? I think she's wasted.
Lyrics: We're not that green
Snyder: I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review
'cause... (smiles) 'cause I'm the principal! (laughs)
Lyrics: We're overdone
Snyder turns around and heads back into the crowd.
Lyrics: You want to lay me out?
Willow: (to Buffy) I don't like this. They could have heart attacks.
Lyrics: Tie me down?
Buffy: Uh, well... ma-maybe there's a doctor here.
An older, shirtless man jumps up onto the stage, pushes Devon away from
the microphone stand and yells out into the crowd.
Man: (yelling) Yeeeeaaaaaah!
Willow: I think that *is* my doctor.
The man jumps from the stage expecting to be caught by the crowd, but
they don't react fast enough, and he slams into the floor. Willow and
Buffy both cringe at the sight.
Willow: He-he's usually less... topless.
Snyder sticks his head between the girls.
Snyder: I got a commendation for being principal. (impressed with
himself) From the Mayor! (gestures) Shook my hand twice.
Buffy: That's nice.
Snyder nods and inhales deeply. Two attractive women walk past them with
drinks. Snyder makes eyes at them.
Snyder: Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!
He heads off after them. Buffy and Willow walk in the other direction.
Willow: What's happening?
Buffy: I don't know, but it's happening to a whole lot of grownups.
They stop by the stairs. Willow looks around at the crowd.
Willow: They're acting like a bunch...
Buffy: They're acting like a bunch of us.
Lyrics: Our love
Willow: (confused) I don't act like this.
Lyrics: Covered in my blood
Cut to the Milkbar factory. Boxes of chocolate bars keep rolling off of
the line. Trick and Ethan walk through the shipping area.
Trick: Demand's high.
Ethan: I thought it might be.
Trick: That's the reason I love this country. You make a good product,
and the people will come to you. Of course, a lot of them are gonna die,
but that's the other reason I love this country.
They stop walking, and Trick steps over to the man inspecting the boxes
before they get sealed.
Trick: Hey! Don't sample the product.
Man: But I didn't.
Trick grabs him by the overalls, pulls him into a headlock and jerks his
head around, breaking his neck and throwing him to the floor. Ethan
looks away in distaste. Trick straightens his jacket and checks his
pinky ring. They continue to walk.
Ethan: Okay. Uh, how did you know he was...
Trick: I don't. Now I know no one else will. (checks his watch) We're
getting close. (to a line worker) Keep it flowing. (to Ethan) It's
almost feeding time.
He walks off leaving Ethan standing there staring after him. After a
moment Ethan heads back the way they came.
Cut to the Bronze. The Dingoes are between sets, and Oz has joined
Willow and Buffy. They all observe the crowd. "Slip Jimmy", by Every Bit
of Nothing, plays in the background.
Buffy: Something's definitely changing them.
Willow: A spell?
Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?
Snyder walks by, sees Oz and stops.
Snyder: You've got great hair.
He walks around Oz, smiling and staring at his hair. Suddenly the music
stops and a group of older men start singing "Louie Louie" up on the
stage. They are off key, out of sync and basically just plain terrible,
but the crowd dances to them anyway.
Old men: Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah / Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
An old nerd walks by as Buffy and Oz stare.
Willow: It just gets more upsetting.
Several older couples on the dance floor kiss passionately.
Old men: Louie Louie / Oh, baby / We gotta go / Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Buffy: No vampire has ever been (points at the stage) *that* scary.
Old men: Louie Louie / Oh baby / We gotta go
Behind them a man staggers through the crowd, drunk and munching on a
chocolate bar. He bumps into another man. They face each other and begin
to pick a fight.
Snyder turns to face the group, smiling and nodding his head vigorously.
Willow lets out a helpless sigh. Buffy starts to head out.
Buffy: We've gotta figure out what's going on. This has Hellmouth
fingerprints all over it.
Willow and Oz follow her. She stops by a pinball machine where she sees
a woman hold out a candy bar to her boyfriend. He takes a huge bite
while he keeps playing the game. Their pause gives Snyder a chance to
catch up after noticing they are leaving.
Snyder: Hey, where are we going?
The four of them leave the club. Cut outside. The three teenagers rush
out and head for Joyce's car. Snyder is still inside.
Snyder: Wait up, you guys!
He comes out the door.
Snyder: Hey! You guys aren't trying to ditch me, are ya?
Buffy, Willow and Oz get into the Jeep. Snyder follows them.
Oz: We should find Giles. He'll know what's going on, right?
Snyder runs up to the passenger side of the car, and seeing the places
are taken, he goes around to the driver's side.
Buffy: Sure. Except for all we know, he's sweet sixteen again. (pulls
on her seat belt)
Willow: He's with your mom at his place.
Buffy starts the car. Snyder opens the door behind her and gets in.
Snyder: I said, wait up! (slams the door)
Oz: Uh, Snyder...
Buffy: No time. He's coming with us.
She puts the car in gear and slams on the gas, burning some rubber in
her hurry to get going.
Snyder: Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz!
Cut to a residential street. Two father types, one in his Volvo, the
other in his Hyundai, are gunning their engines and munching on
chocolate while waiting for the light to turn green. They look over at
each other and nod and smile in anticipation of their race. They both
take big bites out of their bars. A moment later the light turns, and
they're off, tires screeching loudly as they race across the
intersection and down the street.
Cut to a playground in a park. The mailman is sitting on the carousel
reading other people's mail. He laughs while he reads, then opens
another one. Behind him couples are necking and chasing each other
around. Near the jungle gym a couple of guys toss a Frisbee around.
Cut to a street. Buffy and company come driving along at a fast clip.
Cut inside the car.
Willow: It'll be okay when we get to Giles'.
Oz: Of course, I mean, even if he's sixteen, he's still Giles, right?
He's probably a pretty together guy.
Willow: (worried) Yeah, well...
Buffy: Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad-Magic-Hates-The-
Oz: Well, then I guess your mom's in a lotta trouble.
Snyder raises his eyebrows and nods.
Cut to the shopping district. Giles and Joyce walk along with their arms
around each other.
Joyce: Must be exciting being from England. (chews her gum)
Giles: Not particularly. (kicks a can) You cold? (takes a puff of his
Joyce: Nah-uh. I feel... special, like I'm just waking up, kinda.
Giles: Oh, yeah?
Joyce: Yeah, like, uh, getting married and having a kid and everything
was just a dream, and now things are back like they're supposed to be.
They walk past a boutique with some retro clothes on display in the
window, and stop to look. Joyce spies a feathered wrap.
Joyce: That's cool! (nods, smiles, chews) Very Juice Newton.
Giles: (checks his hair in the reflection) You fancy it?
Joyce: Yeah, but the store's closed.
Giles takes a final drag from his cigarette, then tosses it aside. He
grabs a trashcan and idly swings it toward the store's display window.
Joyce quickly steps away. The glass shatters and falls everywhere when
the can hits, and an alarm goes off. Joyce smiles widely and giggles
hysterically while Giles climbs in and takes the wrap off of the
mannequin. He grabs the hat from the mannequin as well and sets it on
his head. Joyce looks around to see if anyone is coming. Giles comes
back out and hops down to the sidewalk from the window opening.
Joyce: Oh, Ripper! Wow, that was sooo brave!
He helps her on with the wrap. Suddenly a policeman appears behind them
and aims his gun at them.
Officer: Hold it!
Giles and Joyce freeze.
Cut to an intersection. The camera starts high, showing that the light
is green, and pans down to the gang driving along. Cut inside the car.
Snyder: This is great! Let's do doughnuts in the football field, huh?
They head into the intersection. Another Jeep comes in the other
direction. The driver is too busy trying to get a chocolate bar
unwrapped to realize that his light is red.
Willow: Oh, my God, look out!
They all tense up for the impact. The other Jeep hits them hard on the
left rear door and back panel, making them spin around a quarter turn.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The street in front of the boutique. The police officer has his Beretta
9mm aimed at Giles, who lets go of Joyce to face him. Joyce backs away
slowly. Giles takes the hat from his head and tosses it aside. He steps
toward the officer and waves his arms around, taunting him.
Giles: Ooo... Copper's got a gun!
He jumps around a bit, taunting the officer some more.
Giles: You'll never use it, though, man.
Officer: Will so.
Giles spies a candy bar in the officer's front jacket pocket.
Joyce: Ripper, be careful!
This distracts the officer, and Giles bats his gun-holding hand aside,
grabs it and holds onto it as he head-butts the older man in the
forehead and knees him in the crotch and again in the gut. The cop
doubles over in pain. Giles twists the officer's arm up above his head
and takes the Beretta from him, and then knees him in the face. The cop
falls over unconscious. Giles sticks the gun into the back of his pants.
Giles: Told him he'd never use it. (smiles)
He sashays coolly over to Joyce as she leans against the police car.
Joyce: You are sooo cool. (laughs) You're like Burt Reynolds.
In a flash Giles has one hand around her neck and the other around her
back. She startles and gasps, but doesn't struggle. Instead she takes
the gum out of her mouth and they kiss passionately. Giles leans her
back over the hood of the car. The camera follows her down and continues
until it comes to rest on the emblem of the Sunnydale Police Department
on the side of the car.
Cut to Buffy's accident site. The two Jeeps are stopped side by side
facing in opposite directions. The driver of the other Jeep quickly gets
Man: Sorry! Gotta go!
He runs off laughing as Buffy and the others get out of her mother's
car. Her first instinct is to chase the man, but she lets him go and
looks at the dent in the car.
Buffy: Oh, God.
She closes her door. Snyder swings his door closed as well, but it won't
shut properly anymore.
Buffy: Are you guys okay?
Snyder nods as he also looks at the dents. Willow and Oz walk around the
Willow: Is anybody else all creeped out and trembly?
Off to the side they see three men sitting in the playground, laughing
Snyder: Oh, Buffy... (rubs his shoulder) Your mom's gonna kill you.
Buffy looks at the other side of the street and sees five guys hanging
out by a tree.
Buffy: Something's weird.
Oz: Something's not?
Buffy: No grownups.
Two women strut past the men by the tree, munching on chocolate. The
guys give them catcalls. Snyder starts to unwrap a bar of his own.
Buffy: No one's protecting their houses. Everyone's just... wandering.
A man runs up behind Snyder, grabs his chocolate bar and runs off with
Willow and Oz stare at the man as he runs away.
Snyder: Hey, give it! (goes after the man)
Buffy: So where are all the vampires?
They all consider this strange dilemma.
Buffy: Soup's on, but no one's grabbing a spoon.
Oz: Something's happening... someplace that's else.
Buffy: I'd say something big.
Snyder: (returns upset) That guy took my candy!
Buffy suddenly gets it, and gives Willow and Oz an astonished look.
Buffy: The candy. I-it's gotta be the candy! It's cursed.
Willow and Oz exchange a look.
Snyder: (worried) A curse?! Oh, I've got a curse.
Willow: God, using candy for evil!
Oz: My parents ate a ton.
Buffy looks at Snyder and jumps at him, pushing him up against the other
Buffy: Who's behind it?
Snyder: (confused) I don't know. It came through the school board.
(shakes his head) If you knew that crowd...
Buffy: (losing her patience) Where did it come from? Do you know where
to get it?
Buffy: (to Willow and Oz) You guys get Xander and Cordelia. Go to the
library and look it up.
Oz: Candy curses?
Willow: Disturbing second childhood. Got it.
She takes Oz's hand, and they start on their way.
Buffy: (to Snyder) Ratboy and I are going to the source.
She shoves him toward the car.
Cut to the loading dock behind the Milkbar factory. Two men have cases
of chocolate open and are throwing them out into a crowd. The camera
pans over the crowd, which is getting larger and rowdier by the minute,
past Giles and Joyce, who are into some serious snogging, and comes to
rest on Joyce's Jeep as Buffy pulls it to a screeching halt. She and
Snyder get out and march over to the crowd. Just as she passes her
mother and Watcher, Buffy stops in her tracks. She turns to face them.
Buffy: Mom? Giles?!
Giles: (not skipping a beat) Go away. We're busy.
She pulls her mother away from her Watcher.
Buffy: (shocked) Where did you get that coat? Never mind. Listen...
Giles grabs her arm and turns her to face him.
Giles: Back off!
Buffy: Giles, think about this. You wanna fight me, or you wanna let me
talk to my mother?
Giles realizes he wouldn't have a chance against her and backs down,
yanking his hand from her and up to the side of his face, where he grabs
a cigarette from behind his ear. Buffy turns back to her mother as Giles
puts the cigarette into his mouth and reaches into his pocket for his
Buffy: Mom, look at me. Do you know who I am?
Giles lights his smoke.
Joyce: (smiles) Of course. You're Buffy. (looks over at the crowd) Hey,
look. They're, they're giving away candy. You want some candy?
Buffy: No, I don't! And you don't need any more, either.
Joyce: (very annoyed) I'm fine. I can have more if I want.
Buffy: You are *not* fine. You need to go home.
Joyce: (angry now) Screw you. I want candy!
Joyce: You wanna slay stuff, and *I'm* not allowed to do anything about
it. Well, this is what *I* wanna do, so get off my back!
Buffy: Mom, please, this is...