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~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
The cemetery at night. The camera is focused on a heart-shaped locket
that Xander is dangling in the extreme foreground so that everything in
the distance is out of focus and unrecognizable.
Xander: So, what do you think?
The camera shifts its focus onto Buffy sitting on a gravestone.
Buffy: It's nice.
Cut to a full-view shot of them. They are waiting near a fresh grave.
Xander approaches Buffy, still dangling the locket.
Xander: But do you think Cordelia will like it?
Buffy: I don't know.
She pulls it toward herself with her hand to take a closer look.
Buffy: Does she know what one of these is?
He yanks it out of her hand and puts it and his hands into his jacket
Xander: (chuckles) Okay, big yuks. When are you guys gonna stop making
fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Buffy: I'm sorry. But never. (Xander nods, smiles and looks down) I
just think you could find somebody more... better.
Xander: Uh, parallel universe, maybe. (looks up) Here the only other
person I'm interested in is, um... unavailable. Besides, Cordy and I are
really getting along. We're not fighting as much, and yesterday we just
sat together, not even speakin'. You know, just, uh, enjoying
comfortable silence. (grins and laughs, then loses the grin and exhales)
Man, that was dull.
Buffy: (smiles) I'm glad that you guys are getting along. (facetiously)
Almost really. (reassuringly) And don't stress over the gift.
Xander: Well, this is new territory for me. I mean, my valentines are
usually met with heartfelt restraining orders.
Buffy: She'll love it.
Xander: I wish dating was like slaying: (steps away) you know, simple,
direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
He turns to face her again just as a vampire rises from the fresh grave.
Xander reacts quickly and jerks back as the newly risen demon comes for
him, but he trips and falls backward onto his butt. Buffy hops off of
the gravestone and grabs the vampire from behind as he is about to grab
Xander and throws him high and away. He hits the ground hard. His
momentum carries him into a reverse somersault, and he rolls to his
feet. He starts to come at Buffy. She leaps at him, does a double kick
to his chest with both feet in rapid succession and lands upright as the
vampire staggers back into the corner column of a small mausoleum. Buffy
comes at him, but he blocks her first two punches and ducks a third
swing. Her fourth and fifth punches, however, land on his face, but he
isn't fazed. He pushes her aside into the wall of the mausoleum, and
after regaining his balance comes at her again. She slides down the wall
and kicks out with her leg, making him trip and spin down to the ground.
As he gets up she leaps at him with a high kick and knocks him back down
again. She reaches into her jacket for a stake, and when the vampire
stands back up again and tries to make a grab for her she deftly plunges
it into his chest. He immediately bursts into a cloud of ashes. Buffy
yanks the stake back and watches with satisfaction as the ash rains to
the ground. Then she heads over to Xander and gives him a hand back up
to his feet.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
They start out of the cemetery.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
Sunnydale High School the next morning. Cordelia walks up the steps from
the street. She sees her friends sitting on a wall and heads over to
them. When they see her coming they all stand up and make their way
toward the main entrance, ignoring her.
Cordelia: Wait up. Hey, wait up! (jogs to catch up) Excuse me! Where's
the fire sale?
They all stop and turn around to face her.
Harmony: Oh, sorry. Didn't see you.
Cordelia: Well, why didn't you call me back last night? We need to talk
about our outfits for the dance. I'm gonna wear red and black, (points
at Kate) so you need to switch.
Kate: Red and black? Is that what Xander likes?
Cordelia: (confused) Xander? What does he have to do with this?
Harmony: Well, a girl wants to look good for her geek.
Cordelia: Xander's just...
Harmony: (interrupts) When are you two gonna start wearing cute little
matching outfits? 'Cause I'm planning to vomit. (to the others) Let's
They all turn away and head into the building, leaving Cordelia behind.
Cut to American Literature class. The bell rings.
Ms. Beakman: Papers on my desk. Anybody tries to leave without giving
me a paper is looking at a failing grade.
The camera closes in on Xander sitting at the back of his row two seats
behind Willow. Buffy is to Willow's right, and they both get ready to
Xander: (holding his paper) Ha, ha, ha. This time I'm ready for you. No
'F' for Xander today. No, this baby's my ticket to a sweet D-minus.
He stands up with his paper in his hands. The two girls do the same.
Willow steps down the aisle and stops next to Amy.
Willow: Hey, Amy.
Amy: Hey. (pulls on her backpack) Are you guys going to the Valentine's
Day dance at the Bronze? I think it's gonna be a lot of fun.
Willow turns to look at Buffy with a huge smile on her face.
Buffy: Go ahead. You know you wanna say it.
Willow faces Amy again, grinning broadly.
Willow: My boyfriend's in the band!
Amy: (smiles and laughs) Cool.
Willow looks back at Buffy.
Buffy: I think you've now told everybody.
Willow: Only in this hemisphere. (pulls on her pack)
Amy: (to Buffy) What about you?
Buffy: (waves her off) Oh, Valentine's Day is just a cheap gimmick to
sell cards and chocolate.
Amy: Bad breakup, huh?
Buffy: Believe me when I say, 'uh-huh'.
They all walk up to the teacher's desk, and Buffy hands in her paper.
Mrs. Beakman: Thank you.
Buffy heads out of the room as Willow holds up her paper as well. Xander
is just making his way down the aisle behind Amy.
Mrs. Beakman: (to Willow) Thank you.
Willow follows Buffy out. Amy stands in front of Mrs. Beakman and stares
her down. There is a long silence as Amy concentrates on staring into
the teacher's eyes. Xander, standing behind Amy, slowly loses his smile
as he sees what's going on. A moment later Mrs. Beakman smiles at Amy
and gestures as though she's accepting a paper from her.
Mrs. Beakman: Thank you, Amy.
Amy smiles and starts out of the classroom. Xander comes up to the desk
staring open-mouthed after Amy and hands his paper in also.
Cut to the stairs. Buffy and Willow come walking down. Amy hops down
past them with a big smile on her face and heads into the lounge.
Willow: I just hate to think of you solo on Valentine's Day.
The two of them head down the hall. Xander reaches the bottom of the
stairs behind them and follows as he watches Amy go off in the other
Buffy: I'll be fine. Mom and I are gonna have a pig-out and vid fest.
It's a time-honored tradition among the loveless.
Xander: (catches up) Did you guys see that? (points at Amy)
Buffy: See what?
Xander: In class. I think Amy just worked some magic on Ms. Beakman.
Buffy: You mean like witchcraft?
Willow: You know, her mom's a witch.
Buffy: And an amateur psycho. Amy's the last person that should be
messing with that stuff.
Xander: Maybe I should go talk to her.
Giles sees them coming his way and calls out.
Giles: Buffy! (approaches them) Buffy... Might I have a word?
Buffy: Have a sentence, even.
Giles: (gets the joke) Oh. Good. Well, uh...
He happens to glance off into Jenny's classroom as she's talking to a
student by the door.
Jenny: (to the student) Back it up before you leave.
She steps into the hall and stops. She and Giles exchange looks with
each other. Buffy notices the exchange and looks down sadly. Jenny
shrugs and smiles thinly at Giles.
Giles: Ms. Calendar. (looks down)
She glances down briefly and back up, then steps toward him.
Jenny: I'm glad we ran into each other, actually. I was hoping that we
could, uh... (gestures toward her room) Do you have a minute? (fidgets
with her hands)
Giles: Um... (making excuses) Actually, not, not just now. Um, (ahem)
I, uh, have a matter to discuss with, with Buffy.
Buffy: (calmly) Right. Let's go.
She gives Jenny a quick glance and squeezes between her and Giles,
heading for the library. Xander and Willow watch in silence. Giles looks
up at Jenny for a moment, then slowly turns to follow Buffy. Jenny drops
her arms in despair, looks at Xander and Willow, and then starts down
the hall the other way.
Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table hugging her knee while
Giles comes toward her slowly with his hands in his pockets.
Buffy: Are you okay?
Giles: (looks at her) Me? I-I-I'll be fine. (scratches his nose, then
pockets his hand again) Um, I was more concerned about you, actually.
Uh, since Angel, um... uh... turned... (sits on the table and folds his
hands) I've, um, been reading up on, on his earlier activities. Y'know,
uh, feeding patterns a-and the like.
Giles: Around Valentine's Day, he, he, he's rather prone to, uh...
well, um, brutal displays of, uh... He would think of it as affection, I
Buffy: Like what?
Giles: No, no, uh, (gets up) no need to go into details. (steps away)
Buffy: That bad?
Giles: (faces her) Suffice it to say I, I think it would be best if you
stayed off the streets for a few nights. I-I-I'll, um... (sits across
from her) I'll patrol and keep an eye on things. (Buffy stares off into
space) Better safe than sorry.
Buffy: (looks over at him) It's a little late for both.
Dissolve to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla opens a jewelry case, and inside
is a gold necklace with rubies set into an integrated pendant. The
camera pans up from it over to Spike in his wheelchair.
Spike: Fancy it, pet?
Drusilla: Ahhh. It's beautiful. Mm.
Spike: Nothing but the best for my gir...
Angelus walks up to the table and sets down a human heart, fresh and
bloody. He smiles over at Spike, then down at Drusilla.
Angelus: Happy Valentine's Day, Dru.
Drusilla: Oh... (holds her hands over it) Angel!
Angelus raises his eyebrows at Spike.
Drusilla: It's still warm.
Spike closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath, then looks back up at
Angelus: I knew you'd like it. (inhales the aroma) I found it in a
quaint little shopgirl.
He sees the necklace, picks it up and holds it out to have a look at it.
Angelus: Cute. (reaches around Drusilla's neck with it) Here.
She pulls her hair back and away so he can close the clasp behind her
neck. Spike wheels toward them, upset with Angelus' forwardness.
Spike: I'll get it.
Angelus: (looks up at Spike) Done. I know Dru gives you pity access,
but you have to admit it's so much easier when I do things for her.
Spike: (controlling his anger) You would do well to worry less about
Dru (Angelus rolls his eyes) and more about that Slayer you've been
tramping around with.
Angelus: (paces behind the table) Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to
decide the best way to send my regards. (sits on the table)
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. (inhales and thinks) What rhymes with lungs?
Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. (looks back at Angelus) Angel always
knows... (looks at the heart) what speaks to a girl's heart.
The camera pans down from her to the heart.
Cut to the Bronze for the Valentine's Day dance. Oz and Devon's band
Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are playing "Pain". Xander is at a
table with Willow, turning a jewelry box around in his hands. The camera
pans up to Willow watching the band play and bobbing her head to the
beat. It pulls back to show Xander staring off in another direction,
oblivious to the music. The camera focuses on the band as Devon sings.
Lyrics: Feeling I've been lost for years
Oz smiles over at Willow and then looks down at his guitar.
Lyrics: You can never understand me / Unless you've seen those tears /
But you never get to sleep
Willow looks up at Oz and smiles. Oz smiles back as he plays.
Lyrics: When I'm away / I don't mind / The deeper...
Willow: (to Xander, smiling) Oz has his cool hair today.
Lyrics: ...that you lay
Willow: (excited) I think I'm a groupie! (looks back at the band)
Lyrics: Out of time
Cut to Cordelia coming out of the restrooms.
Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep
She looks around and sees her friends.
Cordelia: (smiles) Oh, hey!
They all give her looks of disgust.
Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep
Harmony: Let's get outta here.
Cordelia just stands there and watches them go.
Cut to Buffy's house. She and her mother are lounging back on the couch
watching TV. The coffee table in front of them is full of plates of
cookies, cheese puffs and other snacks. Buffy has a bowl of popcorn in
her lap. They hear a knock at the door and look over in that direction.
Buffy looks back at her mom, exhales and hands her the popcorn.
Joyce starts to munch on it. Buffy gets up to answer the door. Cut to
outside. The camera pans over to the door as Buffy opens it and looks
out. She is puzzled when there's no one there. She looks further out and
in both directions. She shrugs with her eyes, goes back inside and
closes the door. When she steps back into the living room her mother is
gone. She looks back behind her, through the foyer and into the dining
room beyond. Joyce is nowhere to be seen.
Buffy: (concerned) Mom?
She walks through the dining room and into the kitchen.
She walks around the island, looking around all the while, then quickly
out the window when she hears a noise, but sees nothing and continues
toward the kitchen door. She looks back into the dining room. When she
reaches the kitchen door she is startled by her mother coming back in
from outside and gasps.
Joyce: Buffy, it's me.
Buffy: Yeah. You just startled me a little.
Joyce: I was just checking the back door. (closes the door) Somebody,
um, left these for you.
She sets a long black box with a black bow on the island for Buffy to
see. She looks up at her mother and raises her eyebrows for an instant
before lifting the lid off the box. Joyce looks down, curious to see
what's in it. Buffy stares down at it and sees a dozen red roses along
with a card bearing a single word: Soon. Her mother looks up at her with
a little smile, but it fades when she sees how Buffy is just staring
down at the card without saying a word or reacting in any way.
Cut to the Bronze. The band continues playing.
Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep / Pain, I can't sleep
Xander looks around and spots Cordelia sitting alone at a table.
Lyrics: Pain, I can't sleep
He slowly gets to his feet and walks over to her. She notices him
coming, looks at him and stands up to meet him. The song is over now.
Cordelia: (looks him up and down) Your clothes... You look so good.
Xander: (looks down at himself) Oh. I let Buffy dress me. (gets a
confused look from Cordelia) Well, not physically.
Cordelia: (upset) Perfect. You had to make this harder, didn't you?
Xander: Okay, clearly the fact that I please you visually has got us
off on the wrong foot here.
Xander: (stops her with a gesture) Let me finish. I've been thinking a
lot about us lately... the why and the wherefore. You know, once, twice,
a kissy here, a kissy there. And you can chalk it all up to hormones.
(Cordelia looks puzzled) A-and maybe that's all we have here. Tawdry
teen lust. But maybe not. Maybe something in you sees something special
inside me. (Cordelia looks down, then back up) And vice versa. I mean, I
think I do. See something. So...
He pulls out the jewelry box and hands it to her. She takes it and looks
up at him.
Cordelia: Xander... (opens the box) Thank you. (holds up the necklace
and pendant) It's beautiful. (exhales and looks at him) I wanna break
Xander: (looks at her in disbelief) Okay, not quite the reaction I was
Cordelia: (shaking her head) I know. I'm sorry. It's just... Who are we
kidding? (Xander looks down at the necklace) Even if parts of us do see
specialness, we don't fit.
Xander: (looks up suddenly) Yeah! Okay... (very upset) Do you know
what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's
Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony?
Cordelia: (apologetically) I know. I didn't mean to do it this way.
Xander: (interrupts) Well, you did.
Cordelia gives him a sorry look. Xander stares back for a moment, then
turns and goes away. Cordelia looks down at the pendant.
Cut to the halls at school the next day. Xander comes moping around the
corner. A boy passes him in the halls.
Jack: Dude. (pats Xander's shoulder) Way to get dumped.
He continues down the hall, and Xander does the same. He looks up and
sees Buffy coming the other way.
Xander: Ooo, Buffy, my bud, (takes her hand and stops her) you will not
Buffy: (looks at him) Can't talk right now. Angel.
Xander: (lets go of her hand) Do you need help?
Buffy: It's alright.
She quickly resumes her rapid trek to the library. Xander watches her
go, then continues down the hall. A group of girls passes around him,
staring and giggling at him. He exhales and watches them go. A few steps
further along he hears Harmony address him, and looks over at her.
Harmony: Gee, Xander, maybe you should learn a second language so that
even more girls can reject you.
She and the other girls around her laugh to his face. Xander just keeps
moping along. A moment later he notices Amy heading toward the stairs in
front of him. He looks back for an instant and then rushes over to her,
takes her by the arm and pulls her aside.
Amy: What are you doing?
Xander: Amy. Good to see you. (takes a quick look around) You're a
Amy: (glances around) No, I'm not. That, that was my mom, remember?
Xander: Yeah, I'm thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working
that mojo on Ms. Beakman. (gestures behind himself) Maybe I should go
tell somebody about...
Amy: That's not even... (angrily) That is so mean!
Xander: (glares back) Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Amy: I didn't say blackmail.
Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it
Amy: (folds her arms) What do you want?
Xander: (chuckles) What do I want? I want some respect around here. I
want, for *once*, to come out ahead. I want the Hellmouth to be working
for me. You and me, Amy... (looks back at Cordelia sitting with Harmony
now) we're gonna cast a little spell.
Amy looks past him at Cordelia as well, then turns her eyes up at him.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
An empty classroom. Xander closes the door behind himself as he follows
Amy: A love spell?
Xander: Yeah. You know, just the basic can't eat, can't sleep, can't
breathe anything but little old moi.
Amy: Well, that kind of thing is the hardest! I mean, to make someone
love you for all eternity?
Xander: (waves his hand and shakes his head) Whoa! Whoa, back up. Who
said anything about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion
for so long before his head explodes.
Amy: Well, then I don't get it. If you don't wanna be with her forever,
then what's the point?
Xander: The point is I want her to want me. Desperately. So I can break
up with *her* and subject her to the same hell she's been puttin' *me*
Amy: (turns and steps away) Oh, I don't know, Xander. (turns back)
Intent has to be pure with love spells.
Xander: Right. I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow. Now, are you
gonna play, or do we need to have another chat about invisible homework?
Amy: (considers) I'll need something of hers. (steps closer) A personal
Xander: Alright. (smiles and leaves the room)
Cut to the library. Giles is at the table studying a book. Buffy comes
striding in and up to the table. She slaps the card that came with the
roses into the book in front of him. Giles startles a bit and looks up.
Buffy: 'Soon' what, Giles? You never held out on me until the big, bad
thing in the dark became my ex-honey.
Giles: (looks at the card) Where did this come from?
Buffy: He said it with flowers. Look, this isn't the time to start
becoming Mr. Protective Guy. I can't just hang around, and I can't
prepare when I don't know what's coming.
Giles: (sits up in his chair) N-no, of-of course, you're right.
(gestures to another chair) Uh, s-s-sit, sit down. (stands up)
Cut to the hall. Xander sees Cordelia coming and waits for her. She
spots him, pivots around and hurries the other way. Xander does a fast
walk to catch up and passes her, then spins around to stop her in her
Xander: Oh, come on, don't flatter yourself. I'm not gonna make a big
scene. I just want the necklace back.
Cordelia: (in disbelief) What? I thought it was a gift.
Xander: No. Last night it was a gift. Today it's scrap metal. Figure I
can melt it down and sell it for fillings or something.
Cordelia: You're pathetic!
Xander: Come on, I'm not gonna add to the Cordelia Chase castoff
Cordelia: (glares at him) It's in my locker.
Xander: (points to her locker with his eyes) I can wait.
She gives him another look, then goes over to her locker. Xander steps
to the side of the hall and leans against the lockers about ten feet
from her. He watches the people passing by as she works her combination.
She opens the locker and sets down a book. She glances over at him to
see if he's looking. Satisfied that he's not paying close attention she
leans in behind the door, exhales, reaches under the collar of her
blouse and pulls the necklace and pendant out. Xander just keeps looking
around the hall. She undoes the clasp, takes it off and lets out a deep
breath. She closes her locker, steps over to him and hands him the
Cordelia: Here. It's a good thing we broke up. Now I don't have to
pretend I like it.
Xander just gives her a look and leaves.
Cut to the school that night. Cut to the science lab. Xander is holding
a candle and sitting bare-chested and cross-legged on the floor inside a
large red symbol for woman painted on the floor. Three red vertical
stripes are painted on his chest. Amy is at a lab table where she's
waving the locket over her witch's brew, which is boiling in a beaker
over a Bunsen burner.
Amy: Diana... goddess of love and the hunt... I pray to thee. Let my
cries bind the heart of Xander's beloved. (lowers the necklace into the
brew) May she neither rest nor sleep (the brew sparks) until she submits
to his will only.
The flame of the burner becomes huge as the power of the spell emanates
from the beaker and swirls above it and between her hands.
Amy: Diana, bring about this love and bless it.
The swirls of energy begin to return to the beaker and disappear.
Amy: (to Xander) Blow out the candle now!
The spell's power has dissipated. Xander blows out the candle and the
screen goes black.
Cut to the school the next morning. Cut to the hall outside the lounge.
Xander sees Cordelia and her friends sitting at a table and goes over to
them with confidence. He rests one hand on the table and leans over it
next to Cordelia, looking around at all the girls and giving them a
smile. Cordelia looks up at him.
Xander: (confidently) Morning, ladies. (to Cordelia) Some kind of
weather we've been having, huh?
Cordelia: What do you want? You can't be sniffing around for more
jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that Smallmart-looking
thing. (looks back down at her notebook)
Xander: (chuckles and leans in to Cordelia) Is this love? 'Cause maybe
on you it doesn't look that different.
Cordelia: (pushes him away) What are you doing? Are you going, like,
stalker-boy on me now?
Xander: (confused) Sorry. My mistake.
Cordelia: Yeah, I should say so.
He walks away. She looks at the other girls at the table.
Cordelia: What is his deal?
Cut to the library. Giles is sitting on the table looking through a
book. Buffy is sitting in a chair across from him.
Giles: Look, here's another. Here. Um, 'Valentine's Day.' Yes, uh...
'Angel nails a puppy to the...'
Buffy: (interrupts) Skip it.
Giles: Uh, but it...
Buffy: I don't wanna know. I don't have a puppy. Skip it.
Giles: (closes the book) Right you are. I'll get another batch.
He gets off of the table and heads into his office. Xander walks in and
up to the table.
Xander: I have a plan: we use me as bait.
Buffy: You mean make Angel come after you?
Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for
fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than *my* life.
Buffy: Yeah. (gets up) I heard about you and Cordy. That's her loss.
(leans on the table)
Xander: Yeah. Not really the popular theory.
Buffy: (looks up at him) You know what I'd like? Why don't you and I do
something together tonight? Just the two of us.
Xander: (does a double take) Really?
Buffy: Yeah. We can comfort each other.
Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause
I find that very comforting. (grins)
She stands up, stares into his eyes and takes a step closer to him.
Buffy: (smiles) Play your cards right...
Xander: (stops her with his hand) Okay, uh... You do know that I'm
Buffy: (looks down) I don't know, I just... (looks up) heard that you
and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just surprised how glad I was.
(plays with his shirt) It's funny... (leans into him) how you can see
someone every day but not really see them. You know?
Xander: (smiles and chuckles nervously) Yeah, it's funny. And it's just
She puts her finger to his lips to quiet him and slowly leans toward him
for a kiss. Behind them Amy walks into the library.
Amy: Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?
Buffy pulls back slightly. Xander looks at Amy, back at Buffy, then at
Xander: Yeah, okay.
Cut to the hall outside the library. Amy comes out with Xander right
behind her. He makes sure the door is closed, looks in through the
window at Buffy for a second, and then gives his attention to Amy.
Amy: I don't think the spell worked out right.
Xander: Oh, yeah, it bombed. No biggie. (grins)
Amy: Well, we can always try again.
He looks back through the window and sees Buffy looking out at him.
Amy: I am still pretty new at this.
Xander: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. You know what? It was wrong to
meddle with the forces of darkness. I see that now. (Amy smiles at him)
I think we've all grown. I gotta go. (moves to go back in)
Amy: (stops him with her hand) Oh, we don't have to cast any spells.
He sees Buffy staring out at him with her finger between her lips.
Amy: We can just... hang out.
Xander: Sure. (looks at Amy) What?
Amy: (smiles) Well, I liked spending time with you. You're so sweet.
You know, it's funny how you can... you can see a person every day
He starts to realize what's going on.
Xander: Not really see them.
He looks in at Buffy again. She's still staring out at him, playing with
her hair between her lips.
Amy: Exactly. So, anyway, I thought it might...
Another girl approaches them in the hall.
Cordette: Hi, Xander.
Cordette: You're in Mr. Baird's history class, right?
Cordette: I thought maybe we could study together tonight.
Amy: (interrupts) Do you mind? We were talking.
The two girls glare at each other. Xander begins to worry.
Xander: Uh, I really gotta go. Right now.
He heads down the hall away from them. They both just watch him go.
Cut to Xander's room at home. He barges in and slams the door behind
him. He calms down a bit, takes the few steps over to his bed and sits
on it. Behind him Willow sits up from under the covers wearing one of
his shirts and touches him on the back. Xander jumps up in surprise and
stares at her in shock.
Willow: Sorry. I wanted to surprise you.
Xander: (grins nervously) Good job! High marks.
Willow: Don't be so jumpy. I've been in your bed before.
Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
Willow: Xand, I've been thinking.
Xander: Will, I, I think I know what you've been thinking. But this is
all my fault. I cast a spell, and it sort of backfired.
Willow: (rubs the sheets) How long have we been friends?
Xander: (very nervous) A long, long time. Too long to do anything that
might change that now.
Willow: (moves to the edge of the bed) Well, friendships change all the
time. People grow apart. They grow closer. (smiles up at him)
Xander: Uh, this is good! How close we are now. I feel very comfortable
with this amount of closeness. In fact, (points behind himself) I can
even back up a few paces and still be happy. (steps back) See? (smiles,
She gets up from the bed and approaches him. His shirt is the only thing
Willow: I want you, Xander... (smiles) to be my first!
Xander: (extremely nervous) Baseman. Please tell me we're talking
He starts to back up when she reaches him. She puts her hands up against
He backs into the door. She rubs her hands up and down his chest.
Willow: We both know it's right. (leans into him for a kiss)
Xander: (backs his head away) It's not that I don't find you sexy.
Willow: (leans away to look at him) Is it Oz? (shakes her head) Don't
worry about him. He's sweet, but... he's not you. (rubs his chest more)
Xander: Yes, he is. And you should go to him. 'Cause he's me. (grins)
She leans up to the side of his face and starts to suck on his earlobe.
Xander is sweating bullets now, having no idea how to handle this.
Xander: I-I don't wanna use force.
She lets go of his ear and leans back to face him again with a wide
smile on her face.
Willow: Mm. Force is okay!
She tries for his ear again, but he takes her by the arms and pushes her
away. She stares at him in confusion.
Xander: Th-that's it! This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like
a man. (opens the door behind him) And hide. (rushes out)
Cut to the hall at school. Cordelia comes in at the far end and walks up
to her friends standing there in a huddle. They all cross their arms and
face her when she arrives.
Cordelia: Ha. Very funny. What did I do now, wear red and purple
Harmony: You know what you did. Xander is wounded because of you.
They all walk past her in disgust. She turns around, and they face her
when she speaks.
Cordelia: Are you tripping? I thought you wanted me to break up with
Harmony: Only a sick pup would let Xander get away, no matter what her
They all give her a huff and leave.
Cordelia: What does it take to make you people happy?
Cut to a pair of doors in the halls. The camera is at a low angle for a
shot of Xander's shoes as he pushes open the doors and walks into the
hall in slow motion to the tune of "Got the Love" by The Average White
Lyrics: Hey, yeah / Got the love, got the love
Cut to Xander staring at all the girls looking at him with love in their
eyes, some giggling, some giving him sexy looks, some just watching him
Lyrics: Mm, yeah / Got the love, got the love
He looks over at the other side of the hall, and it's more of the same.
Lyrics: Got the love, got the love / Sugar baby / Got the love, got the
Xander keeps walking up the hall. The guys are clearly not happy that he
has the attention of all the girls.
Lyrics: Oh, now, babe, you've been gone such a long time
Behind him the girls start to gather and follow.
Lyrics: Been thinkin' 'bout what it is we got
Several girls cross in front of him and check him out.
Lyrics: Not all the time in the world / Whoo! / But got a lot
Xander looks around in disbelief.
Lyrics: Now, there's much more than a ghost of a chance
More girls stare at him walking by, and he gets looks and shakes of
heads from the guys.
Lyrics: We can make it right this time
A group of four girls starts to tail him down the hall.
Lyrics: 'Cause you've got to stay mine
Cut to the library. Xander comes in, closes the door behind him and
checks to see if any of the girls are following him in.
Lyrics: Yeah, I got the love / Got the love, got the love
Satisfied he has no stalkers, he heads into the library to find Giles as
the music fades out.
Lyrics: We got to make it work / Got the love, got the love
Giles: (comes down the stairs) Xander. (looks at him) What is it? (sets
his books down)
Xander: It, it's me... throwing myself at your mercy.
Giles: What? Why? (takes off his glasses to clean them)
Xander: I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into
witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I... made her put the love
whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale
wants to make me her cuddle monkey, which may sound swell on paper,
Jenny comes into the library behind them and strides up to Giles.
Jenny: Rupert, we need to talk. Hey, Xander. Nice shirt. (rubs his
shirt) Look, Rupert, I know that you're angry at me, and I don't blame
you, but I am not just gonna go away. (keeps rubbing Xander's arm) I
mean, I care far too much about you to... (looks at Xander's arm) Have
you been working out?
Xander gives Giles a 'see what I mean?' look. Giles grabs Jenny by the
arms and pulls her away and behind him.
She stares at Xander with a look of desire in her eyes. Giles looks at
her, at Xander, back at her, and finally back at Xander.
Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like
Xander: Oh, no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
Jenny keeps staring at him while she plays with her necklace.
Giles: Has, uh... Has Amy tried to reverse the spell?
Xander: I get around Amy and all she wants to do is talk honeymoon
Jenny: (steps toward Xander) Rupert, maybe I need to talk to Xander
Giles: (pushes her back) Do you have any idea how serious this is?
People under a-a love spell, Xander, are-are deadly. They lose all
capacity for reason.
He looks at Jenny who has begun rubbing her hands over her face and
neck, then down her body.
Giles: (to Xander) And if what you say is true and the entire female
population is affected, I... (sternly) Don't leave the library. (Jenny
keeps staring) I'll find Amy and see if we can put a stop to this thing.
He starts to leave the library. Jenny rubs her fingers together, alone
at last with Xander, and sashays up to him. He steps back away from her.
Giles walks back up to them, takes Jenny by the hand and pulls her out
of the library behind him. Jenny moans and reaches her arm out to Xander
as Giles drags her off.
Xander realizes he's finally alone without any girls around, and quickly
moves to push the mobile card catalog in front of the doors in an
attempt to keep it that way. As he heads back toward the table Buffy
pulls the door out and open and steps in wearing only a short black
raincoat that reaches barely down to mid-thigh and black high heels.
When Xander hears the door swing shut and smack the card catalog behind
him he spins around and stares at Buffy in shock. She is standing there
with one hand on the catalog and the other propped up on top of the
theft detector and smiles at him as she raises her right ankle and rubs
it against her left calf.
Buffy: Alone at last.
Xander: (stares open-mouthed) Buff, give me a heart attack!
Buffy: Oh, (starts a sexy walk toward him) I'm gonna give you more than
that. (grabs her raincoat belt to untie it)
Xander: (backs away, gesturing with his hands) Buff, for the love of
God, don't open that raincoat.
Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
(undoes a button)
Xander: (keeps backing toward the stairs nervously) It's not that I
don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you
might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. (trips and falls
backward onto the stairs) Not like this. This isn't real to you. (Buffy
steps up and puts her leg over him) You're only here because of a spell.
(gets a confused stare from her) I mean, if I thought you had one clue
what it would mean to me... (shakes his head) But you don't. So I can't.
Buffy: (starts to get upset) So you're saying this is all a game?
Xander: A game? I... No!
Buffy: (angry) You make me feel this way, and then you reject me? What
am I, a toy?
Xander: Buffy, please calm down.
Buffy: I'll calm down when you explain yourself!
Amy: (appears behind them) Get away from him. (Buffy turns to her) He's
Buffy: (steps toward Amy) Oh, I don't think so. (looks back at him)
Xander, tell her.
Xander: What? I, uh...
Amy: He doesn't have to say. (Buffy looks back at her) I know what his
Buffy: Funny, I know what your face wants.
She swings and punches Amy in the face. She falls to the floor. Buffy
Buffy: What is this, you're two-timing me?
Xander doesn't know what to say. Amy gets up. Her nose is bloody and her
eyes have become pitch-black. She begins to weave a spell with her
Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will.
The spell's energy swirls around her.
Amy: Before thee let the unclean thing crawl!
She thrusts her arms out at Buffy, and the power of the spell leaps from
her hands and envelops the Slayer. The energy soon dissipates.
Xander: Buffy! (stares in utter disbelief) Oh, my God!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The library. Xander looks down at Buffy's empty raincoat lying on the
floor, then back up at Amy. Giles comes back into the library with
Giles: What, what just happened?
Xander: (indicates the raincoat) Buffy.
Jenny smiles broadly when she sees Xander and tries to go to him, but
Giles holds her back.
Giles: Where is she?
They both look down at the raincoat. Cut to a shot of a sleeve. Buffy
has been turned into a rat, and she comes crawling out.
Giles: Oh, my God!
Amy: (steps over to Xander) Why is she here? (gestures at Jenny)
Xander: Can you focus for a minute? You just turned Buffy into a rat.
Buffy starts to scamper across the floor. Giles follows her with his
Amy: (to Xander) Buffy can take care of herself. (takes his arm) Why
don't we go someplace private?
Jenny puts her hands on her hips and gives Amy a haughty look. Giles
looks around for where Buffy went.
Xander: (jerks his arm away) Can you... I'm not going anywhere until
you change her back.
Jenny: (steps over to Amy) You heard him. So why don't you undo your
little magic trick and get lost?
Amy: Who made you Queen of the World? Well, you're old enough to be.
Jenny: Well, what can I say? (grabs Xander by the shirt) I guess
Xander's just too much man (pulls him closer) for the pimple squad.
Amy puts her arm between them and pushes Xander away from Jenny. She
waves her hands before her and begins to cast another spell. Her eyes
turn pitch-black, and energy begins to swirl around her as she speaks.
Amy: Goddess Hecate, to you I pray, with this...
Xander: (puts his hand over Amy's mouth) Would you quit with the
Hecate?! (pulls her back and away)
Cut to the halls. Cordelia is at her locker and closes it. She starts
down the hall, but runs into Harmony and friends waiting to confront
Cordelia: Okay, what now? You don't like my locker combination?
Harmony: (hands on her hips) It's just not right. You never loved him.
You just used him. You make me sick.
Cordelia: (sarcastically) Okay, Harmony, if you need to borrow my
Midol, just ask.
Harmony slaps Cordelia across the face. She holds her hand to her face
and looks at Harmony in surprise. She turns to go the other way, but
Cordette blocks her way and pushes her up against the lockers. Then she
and another girl pull her away from the wall and shove her down to the
Cut to the library. Giles has had enough and talks sternly to Amy and
Giles: You two, sit. (Amy goes to the table) And be quiet. (Jenny joins
her) We have to catch the Buffy rat. (takes off his coat)
Xander: (spots Buffy) Ooo, there!
Buffy squeezes behind a bookcase as he rushes to try to catch her. Amy
and Jenny sit down at the table across from one another, each staring at
the other. Xander is too late to get Buffy, but he sees her crawl along
the space behind the case toward the other end. He quickly crawls along
the front of the case to head her off. Giles watches at the end that
Xander just left. Xander peeks around the other end of the bookcase to
wait for Buffy to come out.
Xander: Good Buffy. Just...
He sees someone come up next to him and looks up. There he sees Oz
standing over him, and the next thing he knows Oz has punched him in the
face. He stumbles backward into the shelves. Giles is startled and looks
up as well. Oz shakes out his hand. Buffy makes her escape from behind
the bookcase and goes out of the library doors into the hall.
Oz: (still shaking his hand) That kinda hurt.
Xander: (rubbing his cheek) Kinda?! What was that for?
Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about *you*.
Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very
strong urge to... hit you. (offers his hand to help Xander up)
Xander: (takes Oz's hand and gets up) I didn't touch her. I swear.
Giles: (upset) Xander! Where's Buffy? (starts looking again)
Xander: (to Oz) Amy turned her into a rat.
Oz: (looks around) Oh.
Giles and Xander get on their knees and look around while making
squeaking noises. Oz crouches down to look as well.
Giles: I don't see her. If anything happens to her, I'll... (looks at
Xander in disgust) Oh, just go home. (stands up) Lock yourself away.
You're only going to cause more problems here. Now, Amy, Jenny and I
will, uh... try and break the spell. (the women stand up) Oz, if, if you
could aid us in, in finding, um... Buffy.
Oz: Sure. Absolutely.
Xander starts to say something, but Giles cuts him off before he can
even get out a word, doing his best to control his anger.
Giles: Just go. Get out of my sight.
Xander doesn't take it very well and stares at Giles for a moment with
his mouth agape, but then goes with his head hung low. Oz crouches back
down to look for Buffy.
Cut to the hall. Xander comes out of the library, still looking down,
when he hears Cordelia cry out and looks down the hall toward her voice.
Cordelia: What are you doing?! You guys are crazy!
He sees a group of girls apparently involved in a catfight.
Harmony: You thought you could do better, is that it?
Cordelia: No, I...
Cordette: We'll knock that snotty attitude right out of you!
The crowd of girls opens a bit, and Xander sees that it is indeed
Cordelia that they are attacking. He starts running toward them, and
when they see him coming several of them break off and come at him,
screaming and shouting. In their lust they try to grab him as the others
push Cordelia to the floor. He fights his way through them and over to
Cordelia, where one girl has begun pulling at her hair.
Cordelia: Ow! Stop!
When he reaches her, he pushes the hair-pulling girl aside, picks up
Cordelia from the floor into his arms and shakes the girls off as he
runs from the hall. They all chase after him.
Cut to the library. Jenny paces while Giles sits at the table and goes
through some books. Amy, seated opposite him, wipes the blood from her
Giles: You must have botched the ritual so that Cordelia's necklace
actually protected her from the spell. Th-th-that one should be easily
reversible. W-w-where did you learn animal transformation?
Amy: (looks up at Giles) Why did you send Xander away? (Giles puts his
hands to his eyes in despair) He needs me.
Jenny: (chortles) That's a laugh.
Amy: (to Jenny) He loves me. We look into each other's souls.
Jenny: No one can love two people at once. What *we* have is real.
Giles: Instead of making me ill, why doesn't one of you try to help me?
Amy: (looks back into her pocket mirror) You have no idea what I'm
Giles: (gets up) (to Amy, sternly) I know it's not love. It's
obsession. Selfish, banal obsession. (Jenny starts out of the library)
Now, Xander has put himself in very great danger. If you cared at all
about him, you'd help me save him, rather than wittering on about your
Amy looks away from him. Jenny goes out the door. Giles pokes his
fingers into the book in front of Amy.
Giles: Now, let's get on with some work. (turns to Jenny) Now, Jenny...
(sees she's gone) Great!
Cut to an exit from the halls to outside. Xander and Cordelia come
Xander: I think we... (sees a crowd of girls waiting for them) lost
Willow is at the front of the crowd holding a large fire ax.
Willow: I should've known I'd find you with her.
Xander: Will... Come on, you don't wanna hurt me.
Willow: Oh, no? You don't know how hard this is for me. I love you so
much! I'd rather see you dead than with that bitch.
She raises the ax and advances toward him. The others start toward him
as well. Harmony and her friends come running out of the hall now, too,
and confront the crowd. The girls all scream and yell as they fight.
Harmony grabs Willow's ax and wrestles her for it.
Harmony: Get away from him! He's mine!
As the girls all fight Xander and Cordelia make their escape. When the
girls realize they've gone they start to give chase.
Cut to the school basement door standing ajar. Buffy scampers in and
hops down each step. She makes her way over to the boiler room. Oz has
managed to track her and comes down the steps behind her with a
flashlight. When he reaches the bottom of the steps he scans around,
looking for where she went. Buffy goes into the boiler room, and Oz soon
follows. A cat sees Buffy and meows meanly at her. Buffy squeaks and
runs off. The cat chases after her.
Cut to Buffy's street. Xander and Cordelia come running down it and slow
to a walk.
Xander: Okay, now I really think we've lost them.
Cordelia: Damn it, Xander, what's going on? Who died and made *you*
Xander: (sees the house) Buffy's house. Let's get inside. I'll explain
They run up to the door and Xander knocks fast and loud, looking back to
see if the crowd of girls has found them yet. Cordelia joins in the
Cordelia: (frantic) Come on!
Joyce: (opens the door) Xander, Cordelia, what...
They push their way in past her.
Cordelia: Yeah, hi.
She slams the door shut behind her, and she and Xander look out the
small windows in the door to make sure there's still no one following
Cut inside the kitchen. Xander walks in with Joyce and Cordelia close
Joyce: What happened? Why are you all scratched up? Where's Buffy?
Xander: She's, um... around.
Joyce: (gestures to a stool) Well, sit down and tell me about it.
(Xander sits) (to Cordelia) Why don't you run upstairs and grab some
bandages out of the bathroom?
Cordelia goes down the hall toward th